Learning that I can't prevent it...

I don't want to live in this hell. I want things to be OK again. I will pretend it is all fine, like the last time, until it is.
His love is wonderful, and we can be wonderful, but his love is only available when I'm in my place and behaving. I really try hard to keep my mouth shut. But he takes even innocent things the wrong way, he misunderstands and it's World War Three before I even know what I've done wrong. I can't prevent it.


I'm nervous whenever I speak about anything and I think about every word. But still it doesn't prevent these times.