Talking to someone...

I went over to S's today. She and her husband did our pre-marriage course with us and I've known her for 15 years. They go to our church.
I remember when N & I started seeing a therapist I was so scared because talking about my feelings does not come naturally at all. All I have to do is say I've had a bad day to get me crying. I chose never to open up. N was really the first person I really opened up to fully.
So it is strange now to have gone to someone I've known for years and to finally let them know the real me. And I didn't even cry once. It's a good thing because everyone needs to be able to talk to someone but it's also sad that I've been doing it so much lately. But lets focus on the positive. God uses everything!


So we talked for hours, a lot about life and a lot about my marriage. She's a good listener and wise too.
She talked about how she can see that God put me in N's life for a reason, to help him. That made me feel a lot better and gave me some hope. Hope that this isn't all just in vain.


But she also talked about "tough love" and that something needs to change. I agree that something needs to change and I often think of talking a week away so he can think. She suggested the same thing. She thinks that it would help N to see that I am serious about there needing to be some big changes and that the abuse has to stop.


But I made a promise to my HUSBAND that I would never, ever leave him and I think that it would be wrong to. I'm not just chickening out either! I know that something needs to happen for the message to get through to him for real, but I think that leaving would make him feel abandoned and would prevent him from trusting me in the future. And he finds that difficult enough as it is.


I love him so much, this "tough love" doesn't feel very loving. YET, I want to do the best for N and to help him and I know I need to do something.


I have said that I'll meet with our marriage counsellor alone and get her advice...