We watched TV last night, it was tense and he wouldn't let me touch off him in bed so I pushed him to talk bout things. He was still upset and stood by all the things he called me. I said it was unfair to blame me entirely. But nothing was helping.
I apologised a lot for being so annoying. We felt a million miles apart. I cried a lot.
I said that I feel like I walk on eggshells and should be able to say things. He says it's my own fault and my own issues. I want to change. I want to be better.
I talked about how I feel like we fight so bad because we are both defensive and self preserving. I feel like I've let him down so much in that and that I'm not loving him well when that's all I want to do. I'm trying to process it all and do better but it is so difficult to be selfless and not expect him to try at the same time. To deal with my stuff and not try to change him.
Last night I kept saying that I love him and wanted him to know how I feel and that I don't mean to be hurtful or do the wrong thing. Eventually he accepted my apologies :)
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