Words scar eventually...

I don't feel like I deserve better. 
I just feel rubbish honestly.
I feel like I am rubbish, that I'm sinful and don't deserve good things.


Part of me says "don't accept this trash, demand better, you're worth it!" But the other part asks why.


I know the things N calls me aren't true but I still feel dirty when he says them.


I try to convince myself that I'm wrong because if it's my fault I can apologise & fix things. But this is NOT ALL MY FAULT. I don't make him act like that.
He manipulates me until he gets his way. It's over when he says so. But I should't hand over my power. I have that choice and I want to keep it. I will not take the blame for his actions.