A friend came back from a long trip abroad and we caught up last night. I didn't mind it getting late because I wanted to get home after N was asleep so we wouldn't fight.
We were both home earlier in the day because neither of us could face work. The only interaction we had was me asking if he was talking to me and him saying no.
When I got home it was after midnight, closer to 1am and he freaked. He had texted to ask if I was coming home and I had said yes. But he freaked that I had stayed out so late. I really didn't want a fight but he was shouting and cold and angry.
And then he went out onto the balcony to smoke. This is a big deal. My husband hasn't smoke in over 10 years. He has bad asthma and hates cigarettes and being around any smoking at all. I was so shocked. I still am. This is a huge cry for help and I told him that. I told him he's better than that. I can't tell if it's more of a self harm thing or him trying to hurt me. He thought when I stayed in the hotel I was getting drunk because I did get drunk once before our wedding when I hit a really low point.
I've no idea what to do now but I a seeing our marriage counsellor on Friday. I am worried.
Honestly, N was an alcoholic. Well, he is I guess but it is over 10 years since he has touched a drink also. I know he has an addictive personality and I know that this one cigarette could be a way bigger issue than it would be if I had one. I don't know why he did this.
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